I write about violence and warfare. I write about horrible monsters and enormous battle engines stomping throughout made-up lands. People often think there is something wrong with me because my books go places that most people avoid thinking about.

But, at the end of the day, as my wife tells me, I’m a pushover. Despite the horrible things I write about, nothing prepares you for real loss. The last 2 years have been unkind to my family.

In 2024, I lost my mother to cancer. While she suffered in silence for a long time, for us it was quick. We found out right after Christmas, and she was gone April 17th, 2024.

We lost others in a line that I will discuss other times, but today I want to focus on the latest loss. My Aunt Diane. My siblings and I called her Aunt Nine Nine because my older brother couldn’t say Diane as a toddler. The name stuck even though I’m in my forties. We lost her on May 17th. She was 75 and her heart just gave out. She was a wild person. She drank too much. She said the wrong thing at the wrong time. And she had odd beliefs that didn’t align with mine. But at the same time, she was the sweetest woman in the world. She would do anything for you if you were in need. She had so much energy even in her 70s that you couldn’t help but be infected by it.

But she’s gone. And it once again draws the grief of my mother and all the other losses that we have faced over the past 2 years. She was my mom’s sister, and I will miss her. And I will also miss all the stories about my Mom and her she never told me. While she was still living, it was as if a part of my mom was still with us through her. But now they are both gone. To quote a small part of my favorite movie line:

“All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.”

I will miss you, Aunt Nine Nine. The world isn’t the same without you.

- C. J.